Almost 44 years old

Six days post marathon and for the first time I am not suffering from a lack of focus or post marathon blues. I don't know what my next race will be but it will be a long one and it will be soon. CIM buzz is still there and I want more of it.

One day before my 44th birthday and the issue is whether I need to start becoming comfortable with the onset of a steady decline in performance. I feel awesome during most of my workouts, as good or not better than I did 10 years ago. But peak performance for endurance athletes is not on this side of 40. My saving grace is that I have trained mostly like an idiot for the last ten years. No speed work, no hard day easy, and certainly no attention to nutrition or training. So if I were to actually pay attention to any of those "secrets," I might combat the slight percentage declines in performance each year I get more mature.

But I'm not sure if I really want to do that. There is a certain pride I take from doing things the stubborn way. I know not resting after the marathon hasn't been wise. My left quad hurts since I went right back to running 5-6 miles. But I like being the guy who doesn't rest. I like being the person who leaves the party early so he can run at 3:00 am on a Saturday before an early flight. I like having Rebecca try and talk me out of doing pullups every day. That is my equivalent of winning a race because I live for the spontaneous admiration as opposed to the planned, expected one. It's why I don't like my birthday. Once a year, everyone has to pay attention to you, give you props. And that feels cheap and forced. I'd rather get their attention for just being me on a normal day. The surprising attention is more exciting, even if I make it happen by doing things that I know will get it. Like working out every day. Or doing pushups at OAK gate 5.

Breakthrough Race

I didn’t set any personal records but yesterday’s California International Marathon was the race I have been waiting for my entire life. I always hear stories about people discovering untapped strength when they do endurance events and learning about themselves. This has never happened to me. Until yesterday, my best race ever was the 2006 CIM marathon because I ran a whole marathon for the first time ever and beat my dream goal of sub 3 hours 30 minutes. But this race went like a dream. I trained really well, ran on a perfect course, got great weather and never was in trouble physically.

This year I trained well but I just didn’t have it on race day and the weather was cold and damp. For the first six miles, I didn’t want to be running. 26 miles seemed very intimidating and I had no passion for what I was doing. Then I saw Rebecca cheering at mile 7 and for the first time all day, actually conceived of finishing. I saw her again at the half marathon point and got another charge.

However, once I hit mile 20, things started going downhill in a hurry. I started getting cold and the inevitable quad soreness and calf cramps began. I held it together mentally for awhile but at mile 22, I walked for 20 seconds and assumed I would do yet another 5 mile death walk, and
the attendant tales of woe. I started to play the “run a minute walk 10 second” game which never works. Except that I ran for a few minutes and started to get pissed, thinking why the hell should cramps defeat me? I was staring a mental test in the face and finally realized that this is what a marathon is about. It’s not about training so well that you avoid the wall. It’s about what happens to you when you hit the wall. All of a sudden I felt the best I had all day. The cramps and fatigue didn’t disappear. I still felt like crap, but it didn’t matter. I was in the moment and it was not going to defeat me yet again. I didn’t finish strong but I did finish proud and pumped. It was the breakthrough I have always wanted. The 3 hours 33 minutes and 24 seconds I raced were transformative.

So there is no post race retirement. I am in. Bring on the last four miles of NYC in Central Park, or the Ironman. Because my mind is finally catching up with my body.

Can lightning strike twice?

About a week to go before my next marathon and I am not exactly sure what is going happening next Sunday. When I did the California International Marathon two years ago, I was totally ready for it on pretty much every level. I was in great shape, had done all the long runs, escaped injury and sickness, and was super motivated to finally break 3.30 minutes. And I did it. It was probably the best race of my life.

This year things have gone good and bad.

+/- I haven't had any really injuries in the past year and I have avoided bad colds. In fact,, I haven't missed a work out in over 300 days, which could be actually really stupid. Since my mental well being depends on a daily workout, I don't ever get the critical rest I need to build up and improve, and also don't do super hard workouts since I am never fresh enough to do them. But I am willing to sacrifice this to maintain my sanity.

- I didn't quite do as many long runs as I wanted; my three longest ones were 18.2, 16.3 and 15.8. Two weeks ago I wanted to do 18 but cramped at around 16 miles.I am rationalizing this by blaming it on a very warm that day. Of course at the end of the 18.2 miler I did do I was cramping big time and it was a perfect running weather. The last two days I did a 12 and 10 mile run and I managed to hold it together. So I have some hope.

- I am about 10 pounds heavier for this race than I was two years ago. This is primarily due to my creatine addiction, which I have taken every day for the last 19 months. This extra 6-7% body weight is not going to do me any good in the race and might be the source of my recent cramping due to the extra pounding. I am going to try and keep off the creatine for the next week in the hope that I can drop a few pounds.

+ Mentally I am excited to do the race. It is a completely flat if even a little bit downhill race but I have no illusions that it will be easy. However, I am going to enjoy the race no matter what and will not be crushed if I don't run another 3.27.40. It's not even a goal.

The goals:

1) Run the whole race
2) Break 3.37
3) Break 3.30.

After this it's on to training for more marathons, the Death Ride, 508 and CrossFit.

Political Science 2008

I don't consider myself to be a political junkie even though I am Union College, Class of 86, political science major. I like to stay engaged in the process and issues, principally by reading the four horseman (Kristoff, Krugman, Friedman and Dowd) but the minutia of policy debate doesn't charge me up. However, five days into the early days of the Obama-Pelosi-Reid mandate, and I am finding myself glued to every new posting on Caucus and any word that comes out of my new messiah, Rahm Emanuel's mouth.

I was extremely happy when Bill Clinton became president in 1992. It followed a period in which Republicans had been President for 20 out of 24 years; basically my entire consious life. But the victory was not as clean or pure as this one seems. Clinton was a flawed candidate and he did not come into office with the kind of mandate to govern that Obama has. Also, while we were in a recession then as we are now, it did not seem like we needed a seismic change in the way we govern both domestically and internationally. Don't get me wrong; I think the Clinton presidency was a success. No matter how much credit you assign to him, the fact was his presidency occured during a eight year run of economic growth and peace.

Obama is and has the potential to be the transendent president that we need and it is not about race. That's why I was slightly offended when McCain's first words in his concession speech was recognition of the pride the African American community was feeling. This election means a lot to people many for lots of different reasons. People see in Obama what they hope government can be, what a moral, intelligent and interested president can be, not an African American politician. Certainly his race amplifies the enormity and meaning of this election, but as a white male in San Francisco, Obama's election gives me as much hope for this country as an African American in Mississippi (even if it is a red state).

Now I better be able to get CBS on my cable-less TV so I can catch 60 minutes tonight.

Iron Gym

Success! After years of thinking about getting a pullup bar, I got the Iron Gym, put it together in 20 minutes and it works. This is a monumental moment, less because I can now add pullups to my exercise rut but because I have been rightly accused of commiting to things and not following through. Of course buying a pullup bar does not not constitute a paradigm shift in my habits but it is a small step.

I was listening to an interview with Lance in which he said that one of the things he loves about biking is that he gets to sit and think for hours without having to speak to anyone. I am more used to running and thinking, then biking and thinking and I think they are two different beasts. Although I am in pretty good shape, it is really rare that I actually feel good when I am running. There is always a certain level of discomfort going on, and it is hard for my mind to drift or to have seriously constructive thoughts such as short and long term planning. Of course, calculating how far I've gone in tenths of a mile, and running the same exact course whenever I run doesn't exactly get the creative juices flowing. On the bike, there is more time for reflection, given that there are times when you aren't pushing it as hard on flats or downhills. Plus the miles go by faster and it is hard to keep looking at your watch, so your mind is more susceptible to wandering. Since I plan to bike a lot more in 2009 (60-100 mile rides will hopefully be commonplace), I'll have more time to test this theory.

Signs of A Successful Run

As I contemplate this weekend's 18-19 mile run, it is sits there as an ugly challenge that I know will make me suffer but will hopefully be rewarding when I finish. 10 signs that I look for to judge that it is rewarding are:

1) I don't spend the entire run praying for it to be over and actually enjoy some moments of being outdoors and able to run

2) My body survives without cramping and breaking

3) I don't yell or give the death stare to a motorist who blows through a green light and forces me to wait 12 seconds due to stupid pedestrian laws

4) I finish slightly faster than some arbitrary time goal I set prior to the run - too slow and I have finally entered my physical decline, too fast and I am worried I peaked too soon

5) I am actually able to enjoy food after the run, the whole point of doing it

6) Some company drives by me when I am running and throws sponsorship money at me

7) I finish motivated enough to commit to some new crazy challenge like Ironman Canada, The Furnace 508 or The Death Ride.

8) I don't kill the rest of the day post run by mathematically analyzing the run for seven hours.

9) Dave and Emily don't kill me for once again blowing off another CrossFit workout

10) It brings me thatmuchcloser to qualifying for Boston

Live from Kingston

On the plane to New York last night, there were several people obviously traveling to do the New York City Marathon (either talking really loudly about it or wearing subtle shirts from previous marathons). When I didn't get in through the lottery this year I convinced myself that I didn't care, that I have already done the race twice and had painful if memorable experiences. But listening to them talk and seeing all the traffic signs warning of delays and road closures on Sunday for the race has me bitter and envious. I am going to have to pound the treadmill on Saturday and Sunday to try and deal with my angst.

I hit the scales at 178 pounds this morning which is around what I have been for the last year, a result of taking creatine for the last 20 months. Without creatine, I am around 170 pounds when I run 30-35 miles a week and lift three times a week . And a little bit faster. And a little weaker.

Given that I am trying to do well in marathons and triathlons, this extra weight is not doing me any good other than helping my sensitive ego. The creatine addiction all stems from seeing a photo from a half marathon in February 2006 in which I looked emaciated and old. I started on creatine in the hopes of gaining 5-10 pounds and filling some of the gaunt lines on my face. Presto it worked. I have considered going off the powder but visions of getting weaker dance in my mind so I stay on it.

Sam is 12 and has just about hit the stage where he doesn't want to hang out with his dad on weekends. I am OK with that; it's awesome that he has lots of friends who love spending time with him. But that leaves me sitting in the Kingston Holiday Inn (the Velodome section to be sure) waiting to pick him up from his night on the town. I should use this time to write a novel or pick a cause to support. Or watch a boring Celtics-Bulls game.

6 Weeks Out

Six weeks out from the marathon and I am feeling pretty good about where I am.

Physical
Other than feeling like I look like a methadone addict thanks to Dave, I survived today's 18 mile run relatively injury free and did it at around 7.52/mile pace . The last four miles I was fighting cramps in my calves (which is akin to the feeling amputee victims feel when they have an itch on the limb that was removed, given that I have no calves) and hamstrings, particularly on the downhills. The bright side is I was looking forward to uphills at the end as it stretched out my legs. Now if I could just use that approach to make me like eating vegetables instead of french fries. Maybe a Clockwork Orange brainwashing would work.

In the last month, I have done 12, 14, 16.3 and 18.2 mile runs and have thus far avoided (knock on wood, spit on index finger) the usual quad injury and bad cold. A couple more 16-19 mile runs and I should be ready for sub 3.30 although I am still curious as to what the affect of my creatine-enduced weight increase from 170 in December 2006 to 177-180 will have on my time and experience. A 5% increase, even if it is from an emaciated base, has to do something.

Emotional
While training for my last marathon, New York 2007, I was not particularly inspired or motivated. I had caught my Moby Dick the year before, breaking 3.30, and I had already done New York in 2006. I was excited to do the race with my Dad but getting accepted to the race and avoiding a crippling injury while training had been all I needed to do that. I trained almost enough to do well but didn't have that spark to go beyond 16 miles. And it showed when I crawled home the last 4 miles. This year, despite or maybe because I am going through some emotional, relationship-type issues, I have been super inspired to train for this race because it does matter to me. It is probably not super healthy to bury my emotional issues, many of which I create, in a long run or heavy bench press, but I do it. Endurance sports are part of me that can't be taken away. It's my religion.

Crossfit endurance

According to Dave, my organizational guru and a budding disciple of the Crossfit religion, endurance sports produce oxidative stress, which can have an incredibly bad impact on the body. This is causing me some concern as I plan my 18 mile run tomorrow in preparation for the December 7 marathon.

Scientifically stated, oxidative stress is caused by an imbalance between the production of reactive oxygen and a biological system's ability to readily detoxify the reactive intermediates or easily repair the resulting damage. The main thrust; 50-year old marathoners and Ironpeople look very old and wasted (or meth addicts according to this video) because they have spent 20+ years poisoning themselves with reactive oxygen and can't repair the resulting damage.

The solution according to some is a Crossfit approach to exercise. Rather than going long and slow for 1+ hours or more, Crossfit is quick, explosive and hard workouts such as doing 100 pullups, 100 pushups and 100 situps as fast as you can. There are even workouts tailored just for endurance athletes. I haven't read everything yet to be informed but I think the claim is on no more than 60 minute training runs, a Crossfit God completed a 50 mile run by focusing on the explosive workouts.

I consider myself somewhere in the middle between Crossfit and 100 mile/week running fanatics since I alternate lifting one day and running the next. However, Dave and other Crossfitters claim a focused Crossfit program is way beyond normal workouts. After I finish the marathon, it might be time for me to end the 25 year exercise rut.

Stop Coasting

I don't want to be a coaster. On paper, I don't look like one. I have a good job, I work out every day, I am a responsible father but I don't push myself. For example, my goal with exercise was to get to a point where I could do a respectable workout without killing myself. I lift generally the same amount of weight that I did 10 years ago and run the same eight mile route at the same pace. This isn't disgraceful but it certainly isn't something I want on my tombstone.

I need to get out of my comfort zone, in endurance sports, work and relationships. I am generally a happy person but there could be more if I pushed myself. If I ask myself what have I done recently that am I really proud, answers don't come flying off the page.

So I need to set goals, big ones. I'll start with endurance sports which seems like the easiest list to craft. By the end of 2009 I want to:

1. Sign up and do the Death Ride, a 100+ mile bike ride in Tahoe
2. Be more flexible - stretch twice a day - come within the same area code as my toes
   
3. Get sponsored by someone
   
4. Run three marathons AND qualify for Boston in 2010 - this means sub 3.20
5. Sign up for a 2010 Ironman where I will break 12 hours
6. Join Masters swim program and stop drowning
   

It starts today.

I signed up

After a 12 mile run on Saturday and 7.5 miles on Sunday, I felt either confident or stupid enough to sign up for the California International Marathon on December 7. I did this race in 2006 and its was the only marathon I really consider to be a success. I have about 9 weeks to get ready for this race. I define ready as as

1) At least three long runs over 16 miles with a long of 19-20 miles. In 2006, my three long runs were 16, 17.2 and 18.7.

2) Avoid injury and colds. In 2006 I never got injured and never got sick, which is why my training was so consistent. I have been feeling great the last few months; my right quad is a little sore after this weekend but nothing too scary.

3) Get in the zen state of mind. In 2006, I was driving to the race and listening to an interview with Mark Allen, the six-time Ironman winner. I love his philosophy of staying in the moment, that no matter how bad you feel in one moment, that can quickly change and if you just ride it out you will make it to the finish. His new book come comes out December 1 which will give me 6 days to get into the Zen.

4) Nailing my race goals which are: a) finish; b) run the entire race; c) break 3:30; d) break 3.27.40.

Obama Shows Game

I think we just had the first seminal event in the presidential election. Today McCain recommended postponing the first debate so he, of infinite wisdom, could rush to DC and save the economy. I guess his eight years of pushing government deregulation of the financial sector wasn’t working well. My first reaction was Obama had no choice but to agree or else he would come across as a crass politician. He blew of my advice and said no way John Boy, we are debating; if you can’t multitask it’s not my problem. He showed conviction and leadership, not backing down to an idle threat. This is the man to solve our economic crisis and global image problem. Because he showed spine.

This morning I was interviewing a 20 something person for a mid level position in PR (who actually had no experience in PR). He wasn’t the worst candidate I have ever interviewed but he shared a common trait with 90% of them. Zero questions. Nothing. I even prompted him several times. What are you looking for in an agency? Where do you want to be in two years? Even the
lob of all lobs; do you have any questions? Nothing besides the usual “I read your web site and it all makes sense.” Nothing sells like curiosity, whether you want a job or want to be my friend. Even if he, after looking at my frightening number of Lance pictures had said “so you like Lance” I would have been impressed.

I really have never had any competitors in running or triathlons. I am mostly competing against laziness or against the clock. But these inanimate goals, while they do provide motivation, don’t provide the primal emotional spur that a living, breathing human does. Problem is I don’t really know anyone who is close to my level since for some reason I am not friends with any serious endurance athletes. Not that I am serious but most of the people I know who run or tri have an actual life so don’t take train as much as me. Which is why I am friends with them. If I met someone like me they would bore me to death. So I need to identify people who I can compete against who have no idea I exist or that we are in competition. Like the boyfriend of a coworker. We are both running the California International Marathon and according to www.athlinks.com have similar half marathon times. Dude is going down. Even if he doesn’t know or care.

Clubbing

For some reason I have issues with meetings involving groups of people organized around a common theme. It can be religion, work, hobbies (e.g., triathlon clubs), politics but they make me feel squirmy like someone is touching my nipples. I don’t know if it’s the case of not wanting to join a club that would have me as a member but I get uncomfortable. Small groups don’t cause this feeling. This probably isn’t rational and is topic 421 to explore when my head is shrunk and my body is sprawled vertical.

The buzz of semi-committing to the California International Marathon is still there; I haven’t officially signed up for it but the intention to has already given my training a little psychological boost. Of course, I am still on the same basic workout schedule – 8 miles/day, four days a week, lifting three days a week but I feel like there is more of a purpose then veins on the bicep. Still, running and lifting do get monotonous, unlike when I was training for a triathlon and I was balancing two other activities. But the conundrum is I really didn’t enjoy the triathlon race experience, other than the finishing part. The benefit of being in super shape and glowing is more a by product of the training experience. The race itself to me is a bunch of jangly nerve endings and logistical complexities. So. After the December marathon, I am going to start training for a triathlon without actually intending to do one. Maybe the joy of training with a variety of gear will make me forget the pain of racing. So I can once again be on the starting line of a half or full Ironman or and have two thoughts in my head – “what the hell am I doing here” and “will I be a pussy if I go home now.”

So the launch of the Gphone/G1 did nothing to solve my cell phone indecision. From the first reports it looks like it has the same it factor as the iPhone, but isn’t both a work and leisure tool. As of now, it has no connectivity into corporate email systems so it’s useless to me. More and more it’s looking like Blackberry is the way to go. I’ll think about it for another 10 months.

Armstrongesque

Today a client told a co-worker that I seemed “Lance Armstrongesque.” While I am overjoyed at his understanding of my Christ-like state, I can’t decide if this observation is because I too seem driven to cure the world of a major affliction while banging celebrities and participating or winning major endurance events or because he snuck into my office and saw my ridiculous homage to Lance (plus throw in my “I don’t know anyone with cancer but I worship Lance” Live Strong band).

You are not supposed to worry or focus on the small stuff because it is a waste of time. But then where are you supposed to get your satisfaction from accomplishing things because most of life is the small stuff. Every day my to do list contains about 15 things, of which about 14 are small, piddly things. But I get just as much satisfaction out of of checking the box next to “take creatine” or “read Friedman” as I do out of “figure out your reason for living.” And I still have yet to check that last one off.

After 45 minutes, most business meetings degenerate into who can repeat the same thought over and over again while maintaining at least an ounce of originality. There are some meetings that need to go over 45, but most become a contest in posturing and pontification. In a grad school class on American Politics, we all had to give oral presentations. Most of the people went on for about 35-40 minutes. I was one of the last ones to go and I made it through about 12 minutes and I was done. I felt like I had blown the assignment because I had not gone into enough detail, but the other students seemed relieved and thought I did a great job by keeping it brief. But they could or would not do the same.