Ringo the Zen Master

Ringo, seems like he has it all together. He knows exactly what he wants in life - food, attention, sleep, faces and hands to lick, occasional walks so he can pee and dump (and occassionally combine the dump with snack of the same) and a consistent flow of dog butts to smell. And he goes after it without any apology or hesitation. There is none of the human genuflection and whining about what should be doing with my life, I am too busy, I owe to much money, I am not good looking enough.

It's not that Ringo gets everything that he wants. He hears "no Ringo" all day but it doesn't send him into a downward, whoa is me spiral of depression. He moves on to the next moment when he might hear yes. He doesn't base his current actions on past events, or worry about the future for which he has no control. All that matters to him is solving the present.

Screw Stephen Covey, Deepak Chopra and Tony Robbins. Ringo is my zen master.

Online Persona

There are lots of options for creating your persona in the Internet age. The one I am going for is the fitness obsessed, witty geek. I am not sure if this is exactly who I am but that's what I want others to perceive.

The methods of delivering this message are:

The blog - www.themerrilllife.blogspot.com. Given the narrow focus of my posts, and the sporadic nature of them, there isn't a huge audience. This aint no white people blog yet. Considerations: do I open up with personal, private details about my life to build the persona?

Facebook/Linked In - I still don't get this phenomena yet. I played the game - add as many people to my friend list as possible - but it's kind of ended there. Other then Scrabulous.

Twitter (merrillfr) - I am loving this so far. It is the perfect solution for someone who gets bored at long conversations and would prefer exchanging one sentence quips. Of course a lot of people are not the best quippers - unless discussing how busy they are is considered riveting.

Podcast - My podcast is now approaching 100 downloads a week. Nothing Nielsen worthy yet but I think this means the audience is more then just friends. The personality hasn't really been injected in it yet; I haven't opened up myself Howard Stern style yet. And I don't know if that would even be interesting.


The challenge is now how to link all the techniques above to become famous. Because, in reality, that is the goal.

Ode to New Resource Bank

The beauty about exercise is that there is not really any downside to it. You look hot, you can eat as much as you want, it gives you confidence, it's a legitimate hobby, etc. The New Resource Bank is a similiar no brainer. I joined the bank about two months ago driven by two things.

First, the bank is dedicated to environmental issues, both in its operations (e.g., small global footprint, LEED certified headquarters) and in its decisions on the businesses with which it does business. This makes me feel good, that I am in small way making a difference.

Second, this focus on green issues is not at the expense of a customer-focused approach. While they are growing quickly, they treat each customer like they are important, as opposed to Wells Fargo's "I don't care about you, customer 1,222,444" approach. And get this. Even though they have much fewer assets than Wells, they charge no monthly fees AND reinburse any ATM fees incurred from competitor's machines.

They had me at hello.

I'm finally mobile

I have figured out how to use mobile blogger. Live scene from my power office.

Merrill and Sam

Merrill and Sam - January 2008 in Hunter, NY

What now?

Whenever I am in the middle of the all consuming training for an endurance event like a marathon or a triathlon, I can't wait for it to be over so I can return to more normal, singular daily workouts in which I can seek pure fitness and fun. And then the minute I finish the race and am working out without a specific goal, I start to feel aimless. This Catch 22 situation is compounded by three other factors.

1) It is really hard for me to peak for a specific race because I have an addictive and insecure personality. If I workout for less than 45 minutes, I feel anxious, bloated and lethargic. Miss one workout and I feel like my whole "endurance guy" persona is a fraud, my abs soft and my will to get up at 5:00 am damaged. With this baggage to deal with, I am not particularly good at tapering before a race or resting when sick or injured. I know this hurts my race performance but my psyche is willing to concede a few minutes for the emotional fix of the daily workout.

2) In the last year, I have learned that doing a race a second or third time, particularly if I did well the first time, is not fun. Vineman 2007 and the 2007 New York Marathon were nowhere near as fun as the first time I did them. I am not sure if I am bored of doing the same distances (half ironman, half marathon, marathon) as well or if I need to do completely new races. Whatever it is, there is currently no race out there that has me excited.

3) I am getting old and am probably about to start slowing down. I am not sure if it is the residual affects of the January flu, running in the winter morning or the December hamstring problem but my habitual 8 mile run has gotten slower by a minute or two. I will give it a month to see if I recover before panicking.

So I am searching for the next endurance fix.

Parenting

Ben has now reached 14 and his gift to me is he doesn’t like me. I encroach on his freedom, his independence, his cool factor. The group message is that this is the normal rite of passage for a teenager but it is hard not to take it personally. To accept that the boy who I have watched grow from a tiny little baby is now permanently angry at me and there is nothing I can do to change this other than bribery and gifts. It is payback or the way I acted to my parents as a 14-21 year old but that doesn’t make it easier to take.

The counterweight to this is that Sam still likes being with me. We just spent an awesome weekend together snow boarding, discussing sports, going to his basketball game where he was awesome, watching movies and bonding. He even told me he loves me in response to my many similar proclamations. Of course part of me thinks that this can’t last, that his teenage years are coming and I’ll get shunned for a second time. But I am relishing the time while I got it.

I know that I can’t take it personally – that being a good father is not about being liked, it’s about respect and being a good role model. But it is hard not to let my emotions run rampant when one of the two most important people in the world doesn’t want to be with me and there is nothing I have done other than exist.

Of course I am compounding this by reading the uplifting book The Road.

Update

In Kingston, NY Holiday Inn skimming free WiFi, waiting to go on client calls. Random thoughts.

• The Shield is the best TV cop show ever, beating my previous passion, Hill Street Blues, by a mile. Mackey, the main character and dirty cop is even more lovable and hateable than Tony Soprano. I am going to shave my head and fatten up my neck in his honor.

• I don't get Facebook. I thought I did, that it was a passive aggressive way to keep up with a few of your real friends, pretend to have some type of relationship with hundreds of others and engage in exciting activities like online scrabble. But after a few months of this ground breaking activity, it has ceased to be a buzz creator. Microsoft must be freaking over their investment. At least the value of Yahoo! makes sense.

• The audience for the Hack and the Flack has almost doubled in the last two months. OK - that means it has gone from 22 to 44 faithful downloaders but the stats don't lie. I think its time to do some news breaking on it to really drive traffic. My attempt to tie Lance to the murder of Heath Ledger (Mary Kate Olsen was supposed to be the smoking gun in a vicious love triangle) didn't have the desired effect.


• I am the ultimate front runner sports fan. No sooner did the Patriots lose to the Giants in the Super Bowl then I was writing them off as joyless cheaters. Brady still might be a great quarterback but his limping with flowers, yapping at Giselle's heels and his quiet, solo pondering on the bench took him out of the Jeter room of greatness. Jeter doesn't genuflect on the bench, he leaps to the top of the dugout to congratulate his teammates.

• I can't make a decision on Hillary vs Barack. OK - I did make a decision and voted for Barack in the Calif primary after listening to Slate podcast comparing him to Bobby and John but he is not inspiring me with his constant not red, not blue but united cliche. Barack is supposedly the inspirer, Hillary the doer. Inspirers can win nominations but can they govern. West Virginia voters will decide on May 18 - can't wait for another three months of over analysis.

• I am almost back to my normal level of endurance. From Thanksgiving to late January I suffered a hamstring pull and flu/bronchitis that had me miss two, count them two days of exercise. Somehow I survived this crisis without alientating Rebecca or my friends.

Specificity of Sport

Running and lifting everyday does not really prepare you for anything other than being able to run and lift everyday. Sure, there is the race across the airport to catch a plane or the challenge of opening a bottle top but they are few and far between.

But then there is a test. A touch football game. That seems like a good challenge for a 42-year old against a bunch of late 20 somethings (a handicap I face in dating a late 20 something woman). Unfortunately, the above paragraph still applies. So despite my teammates exhorting everyone to "get the ball the Ironman, he is really fast," we were crushed and I did little to help. In football there are no 3rd and 7.5 miles and blocking a 200 pound person is not at all like benchpressing 200 pounds. So for all the good working out did me on the football field, I might as well have been drinking, smoking and eating lots of french fries (wait, I already do that).

Plus I have a sore hamstring to boot.

Super Jews

Last night I went to a Friday dinner with a bunch of people I refer to as Super Jews, people who believe and observe the customs of Judaism with a serious commitment. I do have a number of Jewish friends but almost all of them share my apathy/agnosticism so I was borderline shocked that there exist people under 40 who act like a character from Fiddler on the Roof. I have nothing against it - it just came as a shock. Who knew there were after dinner prayers, the religious liquour.

After leaving the dinner, I got in a debate with my girlfriend on whether or not I understood the source of the Super Jews passion. I think that I do, that it is relatively the same level of spirtuality I feel during an endorphin rush or when I hang out with Ben and Sam or listen to the B-52s. It defines my purpose for being here, what drives me each day.

Which got me to thinking about my contemplation on adding more activities or interests to my repertoire. Get out of the box. But is that really the issue. Do I need to do more stuff or be more committed to what stirs me? Pursue my own form of religion, not add others.

Just start talking

If you have nothing to say, then just start talking and you'll end up saying something. 42 years old, no visible inprint or mark left on society. Yet.

It's 8:01 p.m. and it is no longer time for practice or planning. That can still be done but not as the step, but a step. Just start moving, with each step having a purpose but it not being about landing.

I swear this will make sense.

House

The thing that fascinates me about House, the latest medical TV drama, is that the hero has deep passion for his career but pursues it without a care for how he is perceived or for others rules or moral codes. The purity for what he is doing and for how he does it is bizarre and inspiring.

There are lots of real Houses. There is my girlfriend's enormous passion and love for her family, my emotional dejection at a poor marathon followed by the reinvigoration of the desire to go after it yet again, my rebonding with my two boys every time I see them, and the rare client who sees their company and job as more than a paycheck or resume builder.

It means no compromise, no 2nd place, no fear of consequences. It means 3.19.59, emotional vulnerability, no cable and and no time clock.

Imitation is the best form of flattery

When I admire or worship someone, my natural inclination is to copy them. Admire Lance, do triathlons. Dare to be a succesful white male. Wear black slacks and blue shirts. Love PTI and The Gabfest podcasts, start one of my own.

Well, actually, Mike Myser, a good buddy of mine and I started a podcast a few months ago to discuss the three key news items of the week (tech, sports, politics). After four episodes, and three dedicated listeners, Mike convinced Gelf Magazine to pick up the podcast.

Let the fame begin!

New Podcast

This could be the last Myser-Freund Podcast before it is picked up by a leading online magazine. Swear to God.

http://hackandflack.podcastpeople.com/

Weak Mind

I won’t go into the details of the latest endurance fiasco at Vineman for the same reason I won’t watch Holocaust movies. I know it will be painful to relive it so what’s the point. The one statement I will make is it wasn’t cramps, dehydration or a lack of fitness that did me in. Instead, it was my Achilles mind. Again.

There are people with issues that affect their ability to succeed by either their own or societal standards. It is hard to overcome depression, attention deficit order, or lack of stupidity without magic pills or tutors.

In an attempt to cover up my glaring weakness, I have used ADD as an excuse for why I can’t sit still or maintain focus for a specific project for more than five minutes at a time. But I don’t really think I have ADD. I think my medical condition is a weak mind. I don’t think that I am unintelligent or lack creativity. I just think that I bail out of situations when they become tense or painful, primarily in two areas.

Endurance sports – Unless I am incredibly prepared for an event (e.g., Wildflower and Sacramento Marathon 2006), I stop giving my best effort at the first sign of physical stress. Not even Creatine can save the day for me. Sure, I can take solace in the fact that my mind is strong enough to get up every morning to run 8-10 miles or lift weights, but I really am looking for emotional satisfaction by passing tests such as marathons and triathlons and am coming up empty half the time.

Emotional relationships – One of my goals is to get closer to people (friends, parents, girlfriends) but part of this requires dealing with the painful part of the relationship. Tackling the tough issues (e.g., I wish you didn’t treat me that way, say hello to my vulnerable side, etc.). And I avoid these situations like the plague, to avoid painful emotions. To my detriment.

These are issues I intend to conquer before the New York Marathon and way before Ironman Florida 2008.

Performance Enhancers

For the .03 percent of the people who follow professional cycling, there is a lot of angst on the state of the sport given all of the admissions and investigations of "cheaters." Before anyone engages in the debate, they should take Creatine for a month.

I have been taking it for the last three months, and, embarrasingly know little about it other than the generic definitions. However, I do know that it works. Nate convinced me to try it and I have gotten noticeably stronger in bench pressing, curling, etc. and am close to the magical 175 pounds. Hopefully there are no side effects other than increased levels of self absorption, but I was already in that state so its hard to notice the difference.

Now that I have experienced the effects of performance enhancing drugs, I have new sympathy for Jan Ulrich and Ivan Basso. If you knew a great performance was just a tablespoon away, and the only physical risk was to yourself, would you fight the temptation? Not only would you win a fortune, but hundreds of thousands of people would genuflect as you rode by at your strength, endurance and mental tenacity. How can you fight that? A minor compliment from me at work sends me into my office to do pushups so the potential of a nation worshipping me would have me doing anything to get it.

Rather than fighting the use of performance enhancing drugs, sports should embrace them. People watch football, the Tour de France and the Olympics to see freakish athletes perform incredible physical acts. Let's see how far they can go. And the potential side effects will only make it more interesting. Imagine the Nielsen Ratings for the Tour de France stage if there was a chance someone could go flying down a 3,000 foot Alpine drop after suffering an EPO-induced brain aneurysm? Tragic yes, but they made the decision on their own to tempt the health gods. Maybe Versus and the NHL should encourage drug use and potential on ice heart attacks to save its ratings and its sport. People love watching hockey fights, so let's take it a step further.

Off for another teaspoon of the legally acquired Creatine.

Launch of the Merrill and Mike Podcast

http://hackandflack.podcastpeople.com/

Creatine and Superheros

Explanation forthcoming

Merrill 2.0

What happens when you reach 42 years old and you have pretty much accomplished your goals. Clearly you didn’t have enough of them. It’s time for the quick reinvention, time to build a new list.

The new list can’t be an incremental growth to the last one. No studies in minutia like lowering my marathon time by 2%. Although 3.5% weight gains are acceptable.

What are the big themes in Merrill 2.0? It’s kind of like being the president in the second term when you are thinking about how will history teachers explain your legacy. To be morbid, do I really want my tombstone to say “He was in better shape than other people his age” or “His clients got a crap load of coverage?” Probably not. That can be in paragraph nine of the Times obituary.

I am not saying I need to start from scratch. I do have skills, however niche or obscure you would like to classify them.

I can write a press release on the impact of next generation open source application servers and make it almost interesting. I can run 8 miles every other morning and describe it with the same level of enthusiasm to the same people at the same time every other day. I can hold the attention of a room for at least 3 minutes before I get bored of hearing myself talk. I can discuss the benefits of Creatine for two straight weeks without buying it at the GNC across the street.

In short I have useful skills that can be transferred to important tasks. Monumental tasks.
Like what?

I am unique

As a kid, I had issues with my name. Merrill Freund. It doesn't project any specific image other than "dude, that's a strange name." I wanted to be Bud or Jim. Something with a masculine ring to it. Somebody from Mission Impossible. But no. I was Merrill. Or Merl. Or Merrill the Peril.

But now I am older, trapped in a sea of homogeneity. I live in San Francisco, work in the high tech industry, am a white, 42 year old male who wears blacks slacks and blue shirts and spends his day leveraging, lacking bandwidth, developing strategic plans and crossing the chasm. In short, I am a statistic.

But my name isn't. There are no Merrill Freund's listed in the United States. None. I am not a trend or a pattern.

See for yourself. I am unique!